Oh My Prague
- Sep 23, 2017
- 11 min read
I could literally write this post using nothing but heart-eye emojis and it would be just as accurate a description of how I feel about Prague, but I suspect my readers will prefer real words, so here we go:
Prague is like everything you love about every other European city combined into one place. After a magical bus journey through eastern European countryside, we arrived in a somewhat sketchy but also very grunge-chic part of the city, and took the metro to Old Town, which is the bit you go to see. Idk what the modern bits of Prague are like. They are irrelevant.
Prague is known for being super cheap, because it’s not been as tourist-ized as Paris or Rome. Of course, it’s also hard to know how much anything costs in Prague, because they don’t use euros, they have their own currency with a super weird exchange rate, so you’ll see that your lunch cost 100 Koruna which sounds like a number that should make you freak out, when in reality you’ve only spent 5 dollars. You get used to it. Anyway, this entire paragraph is just a lead-in for me to tell you that Asher and I stayed in a hostel in the center of Old Town which was super nice and clean and paid the equivalent of only 7 euro per night. (Mango Hostels is the chain, if anyone is interested. Highly recommend.) We got to our hostel and settled in, in the late afternoon, and then headed into the city to explore. Like Vienna, I had also read a book about Prague when I was young, but had forgotten it was set in Prague until I arrived in the city and the landmarks started seeming familiar. Actually, when I originally read the book and found out it was based on a real place and somewhat on historical figures, I decided I didn’t like it anymore, because as a child I was stubbornly against any sort of historical fiction, believing Big Education was trying to sneak a history lesson into my fantastical world of book-reading. Upon returning from Prague and re-reading the book as an adult, I was able to appreciate what an excellent novel it is and how much cooler being vaguely based on things and people that actually happened makes it. It also has magic, so it’s a winner all-round. (The name of the book is The Cabinet of Wonders by Marie Rutkoski. I think it’s part of a trilogy, so remind me to read the rest at some point.)
Anyway, back to reality. Like Venice, Prague is one of those places you can just aimlessly wander without ever getting bored. We made our way across St. Charles Bridge and found a little takeaway place that served these super cool pastries called Trdelnik where they wrap the dough around a roller and rotisserie it over a fire and then fill it with delicious things. We got ham, cheese and arugula ones with cheesy bread and some kind of weird sauce and they were incredible. We ate them while walking the streets, and ended up in a square with a gorgeous cathedral and an Easter market set up, so we explored all the stalls and got donuts from one of the kiosks.
We then headed back across the river, on a different bridge, and found a bunch of steps up a hill and were like, “let’s climb these!” which took like three years and many a burning bun muscle, but at the top of the hill was a skate park, ensconced within a regular park, and also we were high up, which means VIEWS!!!! so we sat on a wall and admired the city in all its glory (which is alot).
From there, we explored the park, which was full of trees in full bloom with pink and white blossoms, and we hung out in a tree for a bit and threw some stuff in a pond. (Mom is asking me, in concerned tones, “What did you throw in the pond?” So allow me to clarify that it was rocks and sticks and stuff, not trash or shoes or children.) We also saw a cute little family with a daughter of about 9 who had clearly selected her own outfit and was sporting bright blue from head to toe, manifested in the form of a sparkly newsboy hat, and, if my memory serves correctly, arm gauntlets. We stood at a safe distance and quietly cheered her on for living her best life. She will never know of her secret American fans.
We descended the hill via a much more gently sloping back path, and headed for the Lennon Wall (as in John Lennon) which is just a wall where people can graffiti to their heart’s content. I don’t know what the connection to John Lennon is, but the wall makes for an excellent backdrop for pics to keep that insta game fierce, so we took many an artsy photo before adjourning. We found a small bridge where people had written their names all over the stone, and apparently Asher is always ready for such an occasion, because she whipped a sharpie out of her purse so we could sign our names too. After this, we ended up in another one of the town’s squares, where the famous astrological clock is. This clock is central to the plot of the afore-mentioned book, so this was the exact moment when I recalled having read it. In the book the clock controls the weather, which, I was disappointed to discover, it doesn’t do in real life. It is supposed to do cool clockwork/dancing figurine chiming stuff, but it was under repairs and wasn’t doing that either. Even so, it is super cool and beautiful.
After seeing the clock, we began to make out way back to the hostel, walking along the river. They do this thing where you can rent one of those giant hamster ball things that float on water and float around in it, and it was amusing to watch children trying to flip inside them and more often than not face planting instead. As we were standing by the river enjoying this demonstration of the futility of human effort, some random American dude ran up, asked to take a selfie with us, (to which we obviously said yes) took said selfie, and then departed. I still don’t know what that was about. Probably something to do with a scavenger hunt, the task in question being, “find the two most beautiful women in the whole city and take a picture with them”.
On day 2, we breakfasted at this adorable, perfect in every way café next to our hostel. We dined al fresco in the café’s charming back garden, sipping our coffee among the flowers, and it was everything I had ever dreamed travelling in Europe would feel like. After, went to see Prague Castle, which stands on a hill, majestically looming over the city, as all good castles ought. Once inside, we did the cathedral first. The sun was shining through the stained glass windows and casting a golden glow over everything, and lighting up the colored glass so vibrantly that it looked like it was on fire. Also it made me want to eat it. I mean, I’ve seen stained glass before, but this was THE stained glass. The real MVP of window art. From there we moved on to some of the older, original bits of the castle, and walked past a tour group standing in front of the window people were pushed out of during the Defenestration of Prague, which I had forgotten was a thing that had happened, so thank goodness the tour guide happened to be telling the story as we walked by so I could get a picture. There was also a super cool great hall with a fancy vaulted ceiling but I can’t remember which bit of the castle that was in. The was another Easter market set up in the courtyard, so we got more Trdelnik, cinnamon sugar ones with Nutella inside this time. I feel like I should come clean here and admit that we have no idea how to pronounce Trdelnik correctly and ended up referring to them as Turtlenecks.
As you leave the castle you go through an area called the Golden Lane which is where the soldiers and staff used to live, and some of the houses are done up inside to look how they would have looked in the old days, and some are fun shops. You then pass through the gardens, and enjoy more excellent views of the city. There’s a whole chunk of Prague that’s up on the hill, so while we were there we found a cool monastery that Asher had seen on Pinterest, although you had to pay to go in so we didn’t bother with that. We also spent a good portion of this day being really indecisive about what souvenir t-shirts to get, and flitting in and out of souvenir shops. Apparently weed and absinth are both legal in Prague because every shop had them, and you would not believe the amount of merch they had found a way to incorporate weed into. Weed cookies is the one that stands out in my mind at the moment, but there were tons of others. Just a fun fact for you.
One of our friends from Capernwray, Ben, was in Prague at the same time we were, and he and the missionary family he was staying with invited us over for a traditional Czech meal. They had made schnitzel, mashed potatoes and this shredded cucumber stuff, and it was all super delicious, and a very cool cultural experience. The mom of the family, who is the one who is actually Czech, recommended that Asher and I go to the restaurant in this fancy riverside hotel and get coffee, so that’s where we went after dinner. Once we were seated, and looking at the coffee menu, disaster struck. I have this really unfortunate thing where sometimes my nose just starts bleeding, and yes, I know that can be a symptom of a brain tumor, and no, I don’t have a brain tumor, because its been happening since I was seven, so if that was the reason I’d be dead by now. I’m just a delicate sinus flower. Anyway, there I was, trying to be posh and refined in a fancy restaurant, which is impossible to do whilst holding a bloodied Kleenex to your nosehole. At some point I realized it was not going to stop any time soon and I was going to have to escort myself to the bathroom to deal with it in the privacy of a bathroom stall. I realize this story is getting gross, but I would like to point out that you made the choice to read this post. Anyway, when you are a cripplingly self-aware goon such as I, the prospect of wandering through a fancy establishment full of classy Europeans, tissues pressed against what is certainly one of the least glamorous body parts to bleed from, searching for a bathroom, is a terrifying thought, so I hovered above my chair, halfway between sitting and standing, until Asher, like the angel of the Lord she is, read my mind, and walked with me to the bathroom, which somehow made everything 100% less embarrassing. This is probably what Paul was talking about when he said to share in one another’s burdens. Anyway, no blog post is complete without an embarrassing story about me, so there you go. You’ll be happy to know that I stemmed the flow and returned to enjoy a delicious coffee with enough liquor in it that it burned my throat on the way down.
It was dark by now, and since every city has such a different vibe from day to night, I wanted to walk around at night and see everything again. And we spent probably two hours just walking all over the city, talking about books we’d read that had made us want to go places in Europe, and how we both want to be members of VFD, and that we secretly believe it’s definitely a real organization, and basically just the most random, fun conversational topics you can think of. It’s one of my all-time favorite Europe memories.
Our final day did not quite go as planned. Asher had had something weird going on with her eyes since before she joined our conquest –they were really bloodshot and kind of bothering her, but not enough to stop her doing fun things or enjoying herself. Anyway, it got worse and worse, and on our last day she woke up with major vertigo, and was so dizzy she could barely walk. We made it to the café next door for breakfast, but by the time we had finished breakfast she realized she wasn’t going to be able to function. I went on a quest to find a pharmacy and get her something, but all the pharmacists told me they didn’t have anything and she should see a doctor. I eventually found a pharmacist who gave me Claritin (Google said it would help) when I asked for it. Anyway, Asher was incapacitated for the whole morning, but she sent me out to explore the town some more while she slept.
I swung by the Lennon Wall again, and this time someone had commissioned a graffito to paint “Anna, will you marry me?” on the wall. I hung around a bit, hoping to see the actual proposal, but it took too long for the couple to show up so I got bored and moved on. From there I pretty much just revisited all the joyous spots around town, earphones blaring and soul contented.
As the day went on, Asher began to feel somewhat better, so she decided to brave the outdoors again. We got more turtlenecks, this time with ice-cream in them, and then went down to the river because there were paddle boats for rent, and after all, what better activity for someone crippled by vertigo than one that involves operating a vehicle which floats about on a bobbing, waving surface? Getting in and out of a boat on the water is tricky enough for someone with all their faculties at 100%, but she and I both managed it, and once we were in, it was all pretty chill. The paddle boat place had different types of boat you could rent, and if you paid extra you could get one that looked like a little car, so we said to heck with frugality, it’s our last day in Europe, and we got ourselves a little brown car boat, in which we paddled merrily to and fro along the river, listening to Sinatra. Glorious.
Asher had read that one of the things to do in Prague is to try goulash, a Czech classic, so we went out to eat at a nice restaurant –a goulasharie, if you will-* and got goulash in bread bowls, which was rockin’. It was so nice to actually be able to afford a nice meal for the first time in a long time. At this point, Asher was still feeling pretty much ok, but by the time we got back to the hostel, she started feeling dizzier and more nauseous, and a little bit later, she ended up vomiting all her goulash into the hostel toilet, saying, in tears of frustration and despair, “It was such good food!”
*I can’t claim total credit for that line. I referred to it as a goulasharie, to which Asher added, “if you will” and since I still can’t think about her saying that without laughing I figured it needed to go in the blog.
Naturally, when the other hostel roommates arrived, we did not mention that she had been throwing up in our shared toilet. What they don’t know won’t hurt them. The throwing up actually did seem to help somewhat, as throwing up usually does, so the goulash was sacrificed for the greater good. We got an Uber to the airport the next morning (it cost the equivalent of like 10 bucks for a 20 minute ride, vive la Czechia) and, our adventure at its end, parted ways. Asher flew home to Dallas, and I flew back to England, spent a few more days in Burnley, and on April 17th, 2017, after exactly 7 months of amazing adventures, transformation, and growth, I arrived home.
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